Good News Tommy and four friends, including Wally and his Dalmatian, happily build a colorful block castle together at a sunny playground. Headline reads “What Makes a Good Friend?” with the words “Kindness. Curiosity. Caring.”

Are We Teaching Our Kids How to Be Good Friends?

November 7, 2026 Tom Radd

Your child comes home from school upset.

“My best friend played with somebody else today!”

It's a familiar childhood disappointment. Perhaps your first instinct is to offer reassurance, explain that friends can play with other children, or suggest inviting someone else to play tomorrow.

Those are all reasonable responses. But there's another opportunity hidden in that moment: helping your child think about what it means to be a good friend.

We spend plenty of time helping children make friends. We arrange playdates, encourage them to join activities, and worry when they feel left out.

But how often do we encourage children to take a genuine interest in someone else's experiences?

Friendship isn't just about being liked. It's also about learning to notice, listen to, and care about other people.

Friendship Begins With Genuine Interest

Think about the questions we ask our children after school.

“Did you have fun?”

“Did anyone play with you?”

“Were your friends nice to you?”

These questions are perfectly natural. But they're mostly about how other people treated our child.

What if we sometimes asked different questions?

“What did your friend enjoy doing today?”

“Did anyone have something exciting to tell you?”

“Was there someone who needed a little help?”

These questions offer opportunities to think about other people's experiences, not just our own.

Of course, a child doesn't need to ask questions constantly to be a caring friend. Some children show interest through listening, sharing, remembering something important, or simply enjoying time together.

The goal isn't to turn children into perfect conversationalists. It's to help them recognize that other people have feelings, interests, and experiences worth considering.

What Research Tells Us About Friendship

Research suggests that young children already distinguish between friends and other children in meaningful ways.

In a 2021 study published in the Journal of Experimental Child Psychology, researchers investigated sharing among 270 children ages 3 and 5.

Children generally shared more with friends than with other children. The researchers also examined whether this preference could be explained by expectations of receiving something in return.

Although expectations of reciprocity influenced some older children's decisions, the overall preference for friends could not be explained solely by strategic considerations.

A 2025 study published in Frontiers in Psychology examined prosocial behavior among 108 preschool children ages 3–6 during structured group activities. Researchers found associations between friendship and behaviors such as helping and sharing.

These findings are encouraging, but they have limits. They do not establish that friendship causes generosity, that every friendly action reflects affection, or that a particular parenting activity will improve a child's friendships.

What they do show is that children's friendships and their behavior toward peers are meaningfully connected.

Friendship Is a Two-Way Street

Children naturally want to be included, appreciated, and liked. There's nothing wrong with that. Feeling welcome matters.

But friendships also provide opportunities to consider another person's preferences.

Imagine two children choosing a game. One wants to play superheroes. The other would prefer building a castle.

A parent might suggest, “Could you find a way to include both ideas?”

It's a simple way to encourage children to think about what both friends might enjoy.

The same idea applies to conversations. A child can practice listening when a friend talks about something exciting, even when it isn't their own favorite subject.

Research on children's friendships examines reciprocity in several different ways, including whether children mutually identify one another as friends. That's different from expecting children to contribute exactly the same amount to every interaction.

Healthy friendship doesn't require keeping score. Children differ in temperament, communication style, and social development. One might be talkative while another prefers listening. One might organize games while another enjoys joining in.

The practical lesson is to help children recognize that both people's interests deserve consideration.

When Jealousy Enters the Picture

Now let's return to the child who came home upset because a best friend played with somebody else.

Jealousy and feelings of exclusion can occur in childhood friendships. Research with school-age children has examined how friendship jealousy relates to children's experiences with peers, although findings from older children shouldn't automatically be applied to preschoolers.

Parents don't need to shame children for feeling jealous or assume that jealousy means they're selfish.

A parent might begin by saying, “I understand why you felt left out. You really wanted to play together.”

Then, when the child is ready, consider exploring the situation:

“Do you think your friend can enjoy playing with someone else and still be your friend?”

“Would you like to invite them to play tomorrow?”

“Is there another friend you'd enjoy spending time with?”

These are suggestions for supportive conversations, not techniques proven by the cited studies to eliminate jealousy.

Parents can also offer children simple ways to express what they want:

“Would you like to play with me?”

Or:

“I missed playing with you today.”

Wanting someone's attention and showing interest in that person's experiences are different things. Children can gradually learn to consider both.

And when a child is repeatedly excluded or treated unkindly, the answer isn't to insist that they try harder. Parents can help them seek welcoming friendships and appropriate adult support.

Five Small Ways Parents Can Help

Parents don't need elaborate lessons to introduce these ideas. Everyday conversations and activities offer opportunities to practice.

1. Ask about other people's experiences. Along with asking whether your child enjoyed the day, occasionally ask what a friend enjoyed or whether something interesting happened to someone else.

2. Make room for different preferences. During family games or playtime, invite children to consider activities that other people enjoy, too.

3. Notice thoughtful behavior. When your child offers help, remembers something important to a friend, or listens patiently, acknowledge the specific action: “That was thoughtful of you.”

4. Talk about jealousy without judgment. Help children describe what happened and how they felt. When they're ready, explore constructive ways to respond.

5. Show genuine interest at home. Listen to your child's ideas and let them observe you taking an interest in other family members' experiences.

These are practical suggestions consistent with encouraging consideration and positive social interaction. They haven't been individually tested by the friendship studies discussed above.

Children develop social skills at different rates. Some are outgoing, while others are shy or communicate differently. Asking fewer questions doesn't necessarily mean a child is less interested or less caring.

What matters is giving children opportunities to connect in ways that suit their development and individual needs.

Let's Sing About Friendship!

What better way to celebrate friendship than with a song? Join Storybooksong for “Sharing Is Caring,” a playful reminder that sharing, taking turns, and thinking about others are all part of being a good friend.

Let's listen together and talk about the little ways we can make our friends feel included.

Want to sing along? Visit our Sharing Is Caring song page for the complete lyrics and video.

The Good News for Parents

Children don't have to be naturally outgoing or popular to become good friends. Parents can encourage thoughtful friendship habits through simple, everyday experiences—listening, sharing, taking turns, and showing interest in others.

Research shows that even preschoolers distinguish between friends and other children in how they share and help. That gives parents a wonderful starting point for conversations about kindness and consideration.

And perhaps the most important lesson is also the simplest: Being a good friend isn't just about finding people who care about you. It's about learning how to care about them, too.

Sometimes, helping a child practice being a thoughtful friend begins with one simple question: “What made your friend happy today?”